In BDSM, power is exchanged by one individual assuming control over the sexual a
ID: 3449578 • Letter: I
Question
In BDSM, power is exchanged by one individual assuming control over the sexual act with the other individual losing a degree of authority. This exchange of power is mutually consensual and can either be absolute or have degrees of negotiation. The power in BDSM is held by the ‘top’ or the dominant who assumes all the power and authority over the ‘bottom’ or the submissive.BDSM sex can assume many different types and forms, depending on the sexual preferences of the partners. In that sense, vanilla sex is less explorative than BDSM. The power negotiation in vanilla sex takes on a more spontaneous approach wherein the individual making the decision to initiate the act and take on different positions is made on the spur of the moment. In BDSM sex, however, the power negotiation is premeditated and clearly defined beforehand. It would be slightly challenging to find a clear distinction between BDSM and vanilla sex as these are sexual acts and cannot be split into either-or categories. Two individuals practicing vanilla sex may have a characteristic pattern wherein one partner always assumes charge over the other. Alternatively, there maybe partners who may frequently choose to experiment with BDSM. In such a case, classification becomes difficult.
question is :
I had not thought of it as having degrees of control, but rather as absolutes. Do you think that it might be possible for the submissive to have complete control, because of the 'safe word', and yet to give the other complete control of the sex play?
Explanation / Answer
I agree with the statement that ultimately both parties have control in BDSM. Even though the dominant assumes complete charge of what happens during the sexual act, the submissive can, with the use of safe words, limit the range of behaviours that the dominant can display. In that sense, the submissive exerts an influence in defining the boundaries of the sexual act.