I-messages Instructions As discussed in Chapter 8, Managing Interpersonal Confli
ID: 397748 • Letter: I
Question
I-messages
Instructions
As discussed in Chapter 8, Managing Interpersonal Conflict, generally and perhaps especially in conflict situations, I-messages are less likely to aggravate conflict than you-messages. Recognizing a conflict starter early—an incident that signals the beginning of an interpersonal conflict—can often diffuse a later and more extensive conflict. For example, here are some accusatory comments using you-messages. Turn each of these into an I-message and answer the following questions: What do you see as the major difference between you-messages and I-messages?
You're late again. You're always late. Your lateness is so inconsiderate!
All you do is sit at home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful.
Well, there goes another anniversary that you forgot.
You think I'm fat, don't you?
You never want to do what I want. We always have to do what you want.
Explanation / Answer
The major difference I see in I and You messages is the ownership of the statement which can make or break a situation. I messages brings with it a sense of diplomacy which will not prove the other person guilty but at the same time make him/her realize what needs to be rectified from their end.
I have converted few sentences from you messages to I-messages below:
1) You're late again. You're always late. Your lateness is so inconsiderate: I think coming on time is a virtue which everyone should embrace for saving not only their time but helping others to complete their tasks on time.
2) All you do is sit at home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful: I think sitting at home and just watching cartoons will harm ones productivity, let's do something useful.
3) Well, there goes another anniversary that you forgot: I expected us to be celebrating this anniversary of ours with more zeal this year.
4) You think I'm fat, don't you? : I think I am fit enough not to be called fat, what do you think?
5) You never want to do what I want. We always have to do what you want: I feel let down when things are not done as I expect them to be.