REVISION OF A POORLY-WRITTEN MEMO Identify the weaknesses ✓ Solved

The assignment requires identifying the weaknesses and errors in a poorly written memo and rewriting it to conform to good practices.

Assessment of the Memo

The original memo from Mr. Mike Sims, the Production Manager at Big Chief, has several weaknesses which affect its clarity, professionalism, and effectiveness. Below, I will identify the key issues and offer a revised version based on good communication practices.

Weaknesses Identified

1. Clarity and Conciseness: The memo opens with an overly elaborate expression of excitement that does not directly relate to the memo's purpose. Using phrases like “exhilaration concerning the tremendous opportunity” unnecessarily complicates the message. Clear and concise language is crucial in business communication.

2. Overuse of Jargon: The memo contains several buzzwords and jargon terms, such as “optimum operationalization” and “fiscal liquidity,” which might confuse employees. Effective communication should avoid jargon unless it is universally understood by the audience.

3. Structure and Organization: The structure of the memo lacks clear headings or bulleted lists to delineate the key points. Good memos often utilize clear headings and bullet points for improved readability.

4. Tone: The tone of the memo feels overly formal and somewhat disconnected from the employees. A more conversational and engaging tone would establish a better rapport with the staff.

5. Instructions and Details: The procedures for submitting suggestions are not clearly delineated. The instructions are long and convoluted. Simplifying these instructions would enhance clarity.

Revised Memo

Below is a revised version of the original memo that addresses the identified weaknesses and presents the information in a more effective manner:

To: All Big Chief Floor Workers

Date: 31 January 2001

From: Mr. Mike Sims, Production Manager

Subject: New Procedures for Employee Suggestions

Hello Team,

I want to take a moment to share some exciting updates regarding our workplace communication. As your new Production Manager, I believe that open dialogue is vital for fostering a productive work environment.

To enhance our communication, we are introducing a new suggestion program effective immediately. Employees can now share ideas or concerns using the following methods:

  • Cork-Product Bulletin Board: Located in the break room, employees can anonymously post suggestions. Please fill out an anonymous suggestion form available from my secretary and ensure that your writing is clear and legible.

  • Direct Appointments: For those who prefer to discuss matters in person, I am available for appointments every Friday during the lunch hour (12:00 - 1:00 PM). Please come prepared with any topics you would like to discuss.

Let's work together to make Big Chief an even better place to work. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas.

Best regards,

Mr. Mike SimsProduction Manager

Conclusion

The revised memo addresses the weaknesses of the original by adopting a clearer, more structured approach while maintaining a professional yet approachable tone. Utilizing clear headings and bullet points enhances readability and encourages employee participation.

References

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