Please check all my essay: grammar, sentence structure, punctuation, transional
ID: 2773787 • Letter: P
Question
Please check all my essay: grammar, sentence structure, punctuation, transional words, verbs, topic sentences, the conclusion, thesis statement, introduction, etc.And the image above is how my instructors wants the paper. Thnak you!! correct like a strict teacher I want to do well in my first essay here it comes: Mohammed Alameri Ms. Karle English 1A 10 October, 2015 Re-Learning to See the World Around Us The classic novel, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury produced a riveting sequence of events that would pre-destine many of the ideas and events of the current day. One of the most compelling aspects of the book is the need for self-examination of oneself. The mirrors in Fahrenheit 451 provide a self-examination of characters such as Montag, Faber, Millie, and Clarisse that demonstrates how far society has gone in the wrong direction. Like the main characters of the novel, modern day individuals need to pull back from the technology around them, gain back the lost relationships with one another and rekindle their association with nature. The article entitled, “To Build a Mirror Factory: The Mirror and Self-Examination in Ray Bradbury Fahrenheit 451” written by Rafeeq McGiveron demonstrates the need for self-examination, mirror imagery of the individual and current view of society (along with the antithesis) and the comfort or discomfort in the mirror that shows your innermost self. The author supports his point with several examples of mirrors in use throughout the text and the different manner in which the mirror is used. The main character Guy Montag is surrounded by mirrors throughout the text even becoming one himself when he sees what he looks like through other firemen. His wife Millie produces a mirror with a view of society that is content with her surroundings even though there is evidence that she has no tangible relationship with her husband. Other mirrors such as Clarisse and Faber provide alternate views on society than Montag has ever seen or known. The author does an excellent job of providing examples without redundancy in character or use of the mirror to amplify his point of the need for self-examination. The idea of a mirror from the novel of Fahrenheit 451 is not simply a character informing the reader about the state of society. If this were true then every person in the novel would provide this information and produce a story simply abut about information and themes in society. The earliest mirror in the text is based on Clarisse’s first interaction with Montag in which she expresses how easy it is to miss the nature that is there but unseen in the world around them. Millie is also so consumed with her view of society and comfort in her four-walled television that when she even attempts to free herself, she almost immediately reverts back to her true self. The world today is not so different than the fictional world of Fahrenheit 451. How often do we stop and take a look at the world around us? It is almost impossible for us to set our phone down for more than 5 minutes let alone 5 hours. To even attempt such a thing is an act of futility. We are consumed with our devices including our computers, tablets, televisions and more always striving to stay connected to one another at a point in time when our relationships are anything but relationships anymore. Even though we might have 500 facebook friends and be able to text anyone we want at any hour, what is the true nature of our relationships. Who will be there for us now? Social media and connections often point to the benefits of being socially connected, but what about the times when a person is truly in need, reaches out, but no one is there for them. The Dalmatian dog breed is a staple of American firemen. It is hard to find an image of a situation in which man is without his dog. In the novel, mechanical devices have taken their place, “it slept but did not sleep, lived but did not live…the nylon-brushed nostrils of the creature that quivered gently, gently its eight legs spidered under it on rubber-paded paws” (Bradbury, 1953 p.24). It is hard to imagine a time when instead of man with dog, it is man with mechanical hound. By trying to emulate nature through synthetic creation of an animal actually makes the firemen feel farther away from nature and less closely associated with the animal. There is a need to get back to the nature from which man is born and to which man will go when his time is over. Faber describes this cycle as, “…living in a time when flowers are trying to live on flowers, instead of growing on good rain and black loam….Yet somehow we think we can grow, feeding on flowers and fireworks, without completing the cycle back to reality” (Bradbury, 1953 p.83). One of the primary reasons that books are feared and therefore burned in this society is that the current society is so caught up in living in comfort that they forget how imperfect nature can be. Books in particular can show true colors of men and women. They give depth and meaning to certain topics that the current society would rather not take the time to devote any attention to. s We become the mirrors of our society. The depth to which we develop our relationships depend on us. Our dependence on technology and the need to stay connected depend on us. Trying to truly unplug is difficult but the reward is completing the cycle back to nature and the earth from which we come from.
Works Cited: McGiveron, Rafeeq O. "`To Build A Mirror Factory': The Mirror And.." Critique 39.3 (1998): 282. Academic Search Premier. Web. 27 Sept. 2015.
heres the instructor notes
Follow MLA format! Email or call me if you need assistance with the formatting.
Make sure the before and after spacing are set for zero. This will avoid the issue of extra
space between paragraphs or with each hard return.
Entries on the Works Cited page are listed alphabetically.
If an entry on the Works Cited takes up more than one line, the second and any subsequent lines are indented using the hanging indent.
Discuss the novel in order. Thus, Clarisse and her first conversation with Montag would come before Millie’s attempted suicide.
Only use quotation marks when borrowing text from a source. Do not use them for emphasis.
Do not use cliches.
Always italicize the name of the book. This means every time you type Fahrenheit 451 it
MUST be italicized.
Bring in more of the novel as support for thesis/discussion.
Review essay guidelines. You are required to reference/use at least five different parts from the novel AND one additional source. Thus, if you have only three or four paragraphs in your essay, you probably are not meeting some of the requirements.
The one additional source should be used a few times (maybe three) in the body of the essay. If the source is only used in one spot, the reader wonders as to its significance in the essay.
Paragraph organization: always discuss the novel first and then draw connections to our world (if that is a focus of your thesis) or continue discussion per thesis.
Do not end the paragraphs with quotations. Quoted material MUST be interpreted and analyzed.
Bradbury Revision Notes-Checklist 1
Spelling: nowadays is one word
Them self – NEVER USE THIS! It is not correct. It is unequal as them is plural and self is
singular. Use themselves.
Do not use “you” or any of its forms (your, yours, you’re) in the essay—unless it is part of
a quotation from Fahrenheit 451 or the research utilized.
Do not use “I” in this or any academic essay. While the argument in the essay belongs to the writer of the essay, the first person pronoun shouldn’t be used. Now, of course, if this is part of a quotation from the novel or research that is different.
Parenthetical citations need to be correct! In the paragraph on page two, you’ll see at least one parenthetical citation. Study the placement of the quotation marks and the final period for the sentence.
Thesis statement should be the FINAL / LAST sentence of the introduction. If the thesis is embedded in the introduction, the reader can easily become confused.
Thesis statement CANNOT be a question!
Bradbury and or his novel MUST be a part of the thesis.
Below are some general thesis statement comments/examples. READ through all of these carefully!
1. Bradbury was way ahead of his time period by saying anything about how technology and modernization control the minds of people.
Above thesis includes Bradbury. This is a strength.
Above thesis includes a topic—technology and modernization control
minds.
Above thesis does not include the “so what” factor. What is
important about Bradbury being ahead of his time? What does he say about technology? Is the control of technology and modernization dangerous, advantageous, detrimental? How does this all relate to our world today? THUS, the opinion element is missing from the thesis.
BETTER: Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 illustrates the danger inherit in technology and modernization when they control the minds of people, for this leads to the devastation of humanity.
Bradbury Revision Notes-Checklist 2
Clarisse, although she appears few times in the novel, makes a noticeable change in the way Montag looks at his surrounding society.
Good—thesis is grounded in the novel.
The “so what” factor is missing. What type of change does Montag
make? Why is this change important? How does this change relate to
society (real world)?
BETTER: Clarisse, although she appears but a few times in the novel,
is the impetus for change in the way Montag examines his surrounding society, which leads readers to understand the significance of self-reflection and societal reflection. (Not completely happy with this revision yet! )
According to Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, many scenes suggest that happiness is the beauty found in nature as much of the evil and control are the bad in technology.
Good thesis.
Thesis is not parallel: happiness is the beauty found in nature – clear,
strong language. Now, as much of the evil and control are the bad in technology – this is not parallel with the “happiness phrase. Possible revision – find an antonym for happiness – and ???? is the evil and control found in technology. THEN, the thesis will have what is termed parallel structure.
BETTER: According to Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, happiness comes from the beauty found in nature and misery from the evil and control found in technology.
Fahrenheit 451 symbolizes mass culturalism leading to the decline of human thought.
Good – but push further. What is important about this? Is Bradbury warning readers of something? Is this decline dangerous?
BETTER: Fahrenheit 451 symbolizes the danger of mass culturalism as it leads to the decline of human thought which leads to the destruction of humanity.
Ray Bradbury brings to light the fact that people do not really think for themselves.
BETTER: Ray Bradbury demonstrates the dangers to society when people do not think for themselves.
Bradbury shows throughout the novel how advances in technology have affected their lives and the dependency society has on modern technology. BETTER: Bradbury argues throughout the novel how dependency on advances in technology has negatively affected lives.
Bradbury Revision Notes-Checklist 3
Though technology can be used for positive reasons, it can also have it negatives.
BETTER: Bradbury’s novel illustrates that while technology can be used in a positive manner, when used in a negative manner the results can be disastrous.
Strong thesis: In Fahrenheit 451, Bradbury demonstrates how the spectacle which television provides completely eclipses critical thought, ultimately leading to the destruction of society through war.
Explanation / Answer
Corrected Essay:
The classic novel, “Fahrenheit 451” by Ray Bradbury produced a riveting sequence of events that would predestine many of the ideas and events of the current day. One of the most compelling aspects of the book is the need for one’s own self-examination. The mirrors in “Fahrenheit 451” provide a self-examination of characters such as “Montag”, “Faber”, “Millie”, and Clarisse which reveal how far society has gone in the wrong direction. Like the main characters of the novel, modern day folks need to pull back from the technology around them, gain the lost relationships with one another and rekindle their association with nature. The article entitled, “To Build a Mirror Factory: The Mirror and Self-Examination in Ray Bradbury Fahrenheit 451” written by Rafeeq McGiveron shows the need for self-examination and to see the mirror image of an individual along with the current view of society (along with the antithesis). The comfort or discomfort in the mirror is what shows your innermost self. The author supports his point of view with several examples of mirrors throughout the text and the different ways in which a mirror is used. The main character “Guy Montag” is surrounded by mirrors throughout the text and he himself becoming one where he sees through other firemen. His wife “Millie” produces a mirror with an image of society that is content with her surroundings even though there is evidence that she is no longer in a tangible relationship with her husband. Other mirrors such as “Clarisse” and “Faber” provide alternate views on society than “Montag” has ever seen or known. The author does an excellent job of providing examples without redundancy in character or use of the mirror to amplify his point of the need for self-examination. The idea of a mirror from the novel “Fahrenheit 451” is not simply a character informing the reader about the state of society but it is to see yourself in a mirror so that the true person comes out. If this were true then every person in the novel would provide this information and produce a story simply abut about information and themes in society. The earliest mirror in the text is based on Clarisse’s first interaction with “Montag” in which she expresses how easy it is to miss the nature that is there but unseen in the world around them. Millie is also so consumed with her view of society and comfort in her four-walled television that when she even attempts to free herself, she almost immediately reverts back to her true self. The world today is not so different than the fictional world of “Fahrenheit 451”. How often do we stop and take a look at the world around us? It is almost impossible for us to keep our phone down for more than 5 minutes let alone 5 hours. To even attempt such a thing is an act of futility. We are consumed with our devices including our computers, tablets, televisions and more always striving to stay connected to one another at a point in time when our relationships are anything but relationships anymore. Even though we might have 500 “facebook friends” and be able to text anyone we want at any hour, what is the true nature of our relationships. Who will be there for us now? Social media and connections often point to the benefits of being socially connected, but what about the times when a person is truly in need, reaches out, but no one is there for them. The dog breed, Dalmatian is a staple of American firemen. It is hard to find an image of a situation in which man is without his dog. In the novel, mechanical devices have taken their place, “it slept but did not sleep, lived but did not live…the nylon-brushed nostrils of the creature that quivered gently, gently its eight legs spidered under it on rubber-paded paws” (Bradbury, 1953 p.24). It is hard to imagine a time when instead of man with dog, it is man with mechanical hound. By trying to emulate nature through synthetic creation of an animal, it actually makes the firemen feel farther away from nature and less closely associated with the animal. There is a need to get back to the nature from which man is born and to which man will go when his time is over. Faber describes this cycle as, “…living in a time when flowers are trying to live on flowers, instead of growing on good rain and black loam….Yet somehow we think we can grow, feeding on flowers and fireworks, without completing the cycle back to reality” (Bradbury, 1953 p.83). One of the primary reasons that books are feared and therefore burnt in this society is that the current society is so caught up in living in comfort that they forget how imperfect nature can be. Books in particular can show true colors of men and women. They give depth and meaning to certain topics that the current society would rather not take any time to devote any attention to. We become the mirrors of our society. The depths to which we develop our relationships depend on us. Our dependence on technology and the need to stay connected depend on us. Trying to truly unplug it is difficult but the reward is completing the cycle back to nature and the earth from which we come from.